What Matters To Me

You are right Soma di....absolutely right. There i...

2012-05-09T04:14:18.032-07:00

You are right Soma di....absolutely right. There is another new dimension in the medical system in kolkata (especially)....the big brand nursing homes are in reality run by the interns who have very questionable experience of treating human beings or even no experience/degree at all.

Our neighbour auntie - around 56 years old lady, was admitted with some stomach complication (intertwined intestines) ....the surgeon operated it (minor operation)...and she was talking with people, sitting on the bed.

Because it was a stomach operation, they need to put a feeding tube...the intern/novice doctor, put it to her lungs....and passed food to the lungs. Overnight, a perfectly healthy and strong lady, developed whole body infection and passed away within 24 hours.

The nursing home then issued a perfect, politically correct death certificate...without access to any records of her treatment. Similar thing happened to my uncle, a few months back...in Apollo, kolkata.

I should not be telling these stories to you at this time.....what to say....everything would be fine soon...take care of yourself...

Yes, Sushim. It is very hard. I do not feel at all...

2012-05-07T14:47:50.763-07:00

Yes, Sushim. It is very hard. I do not feel at all guilty for living abroad. It was not my dream, it was my parents' dream that I do so and I am only fulfilling their cherished wish. What pains me is that I could not fight this disease. For most cancer patients I have met, they got at least a year or two to fight the disease. We did not even get a month! And then there are people who try to console me with the fact that they understand my pain because they lost their 75/80+ parent. At that time I feel like shouting out: "It's not the same! She was just 61 and should have had 15+ years of retirement to enjoy before this horrific death!" But when I see 5 year old kid undergoing chemo, and I have nothing to say. Life's like that - one moment it's here and the next moment it's snuffed out! We think we can control it, but we really have no control!

Read it Soma di....very intense and straight from ...

2012-05-07T14:01:57.065-07:00

Read it Soma di....very intense and straight from the heart....and less than a month ago, a very similar incident happened to one of our neighbors - the feeling of helplessness, the feeling of guilt ....seriously, can't explain. At times, I start questioning myself...if all these pursuing career/dreams blah blah is really worth the sacrifice....of kind of cutting our roots and leaving home....yesterday, heard a news that dad got a kind of small growth...may be benign, maybe not...but can't help thinking the odds, looking back from when I can remember and bloody hell trying to re-assess whether and how much is it really worth - staying this far away...a very selfish feeling.

While I was reading your writing....almost couldn't control myself...don't know what to say you ....can't console...just hope, you get over it soon.

I very much enjoyed Soma's post; it was though...

2012-04-02T14:19:19.947-07:00

I very much enjoyed Soma's post; it was thought provoking and well written. As such, she provided the basis/foundation to both her professional and spiritual life missions.

My wife and I were looking through photographs peo...

2012-01-29T07:40:56.485-08:00

My wife and I were looking through photographs people had shared on Facebook last night. She noticed the link to your blogpost and although she has never met you in person she felt a connect. She didn’t read it, as it brings back her own memories, but I did.

I was perhaps better braced, having just read Joan Didion’s melancholic book, The Year of Magical Thinking which bluntly deals with similar emotions. Some say these thoughts need to be penned as catharsis: I disagree. This is no catharsis for those in throes of this ultimate melancholy. The words simply come.

Last year one week after I returned from India, my boromama who I had talked on the telephone (but had not taken a half-day to visit), suddenly suffered a massive heart-attack from which he did not recover. I played the last conversation in my head over and over again. Two weeks later an aunt who had been chronically suffering from cancer also passed away: her illness was slow and debilitating and painful to watch. I had all the time in the world to say goodbye to her, but couldn't do even with the opportunity.

Of course this pales in comparison to the situation which arises when one’s own parent is ill. I remember the phone ringing, waking my wife up in the middle of the night, and not being able to say a word. I wanted to say “he is in a better place” but couldn’t get myself to say those words to her or become a believer at that moment.

It made us very angry when people said, “no one’s parents lives forever.” For the longest time, old people made my wife upset. It wasn’t that she wished them ill. It just made her think of her own father who was 62 at the time.

I will be honest. It was easy for me to be brave and be strong. I only had to be there even though it bothered me to no end that I couldn’t “fix” the situation. It is always much easier for everyone else.

I know you will have similar support: From the bottom of our heart, we wish you peace and strength as you face these adversities.

@ Hoimi: Thank you my dear. Wish you all the happi...

2011-06-10T07:40:23.885-07:00

@ Hoimi: Thank you my dear. Wish you all the happiness in the world.

@ Crysalis: Thank you. I would be very interested to hear your story.

Can relate to so much of what u say...may u get al...

2011-06-10T04:09:12.992-07:00

Can relate to so much of what u say...may u get all that u want and more

It's an inspirational note .. :)

2011-06-10T03:43:32.974-07:00

It's an inspirational note .. :)

2010-02-20T04:20:46.170-08:00

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Good post. However, I disagree with one of your st...

2009-10-09T13:41:45.455-07:00

Good post. However, I disagree with one of your statements: "Luck [and gender] have nothing to do with it.."

In my experience, luck does account for a small, yet significant, part of 'success', be it personal or professional. There's no getting away from it, I'm afraid...

Thanks Arnab.

2009-09-04T22:11:43.589-07:00

Thanks Arnab.

good stuff. it really feels great to read somethin...

2009-09-04T18:10:36.137-07:00

good stuff. it really feels great to read something written by you, specially after a long time.. cheers! Arnab.

You are right that excellence is a mindset. And, b...

2009-09-01T18:31:47.456-07:00

You are right that excellence is a mindset. And, being excellent does not mean having to be perfect. If you know you have done your best, celebrate it! Then move on to doing your best elsewhere. Finally, remember that what you think is excellent may differ from someone else's perspective. Let's celebrate diversity of thought too!

I've always said that life is a series of trad...

2009-08-29T08:03:17.515-07:00

I've always said that life is a series of trade-off compromises. We will always have to make choices. we just have to be at peace with those that we make. It is important that our internal values are reflected in our external choices. Thanks for the stimulating ideas. See more comments at www.stillettochick.typepad.com. Cheers! Betty-Ann Heggie

You are right Shweta - it is indeed difficult to h...

2009-08-28T07:07:24.766-07:00

You are right Shweta - it is indeed difficult to have harmony and the perfect balance of career and home life. The question is about choices one makes and accept the consequences and responsibility of those choice without guilt. Most women have a very hard time doing so and the result is a sad stressed life. I plan to write a post about it. As a personal development initiative, women should weed out guilt from their psyche - it does not serve any purpose.

You story about your ex-boss is appalling. That was a very 'sexist' thing to say and do and your move away from him was the right thing to do. But I do not agree that it's a ceiling, ceiling is only if you let it be so - which in this case you did not! Kudos to you!

Nice piece Soma, very well written. I agree that t...

2009-08-27T21:00:38.287-07:00

Nice piece Soma, very well written. I agree that there is no substitute for hard work. Here are my 2 cents on this topic.
As I head out of the door early every morning leaving my angelic sleeping kid behind, I can't ignore that pang. Nor the guilt of spending only about 4 busy hours in a day with him. So, I have no choice but to avoid working late or taking late night calls. So what does that label me - as someone who does not go the extra mile, probably? But I don't think 'motherhood' is a glass ceiling either. It is just one of the numerous options we come across in life. I know many men who close shop at 5 to be with their families. Does it affect their career growth - probably it does too.
But what your professor gave you is a glass ceiling indeed. You were lucky if he gave you a recommendation more so if it was good. I faced a different tune. One of my managers rated me & another female colleague in my team lower than 2 other male colleagues- and they were less experienced even. He had this to say to me when we had just bought our first car:
"Shweta, do you drive?"
"Yes, sometimes" (At the time my husband used the car mostly as my office was just at walking distance)
He laughs at me as says "Oh .. Only inside city on empty roads is it? I don't allow my wife to drive; she will surely drive the car into a gutter"
But did that stop me from becoming what I am today? No ... it delayed my progress, yes, I don't deny it. Yet, that act of his prompted me to start looking for better opportunities.
So, I think Glass ceilings do exist - but if one has the will and perseverance to focus on your dream, then yes, it can be shattered too.

Thanks Hoimonti. I am glad you liked it. I just h...

2009-08-27T08:17:29.129-07:00

Thanks Hoimonti. I am glad you liked it.

I just hope that women just quit whining and really put their energies in to actually doing what they dream. There is too much complaining going on, not much action.

Very inspiring. Most of the women get into a routi...

2009-08-27T06:43:03.690-07:00

Very inspiring. Most of the women get into a routine of balancing the family after getting married and all those career aspiration one had prior to starting a family takes a back seat. This article of yours no doubt induces motivation.